Chapter 1, Workout Two exercise from ‘Read Me’ by Roger Horberry & Gyles Lingwood
“write us a compelling piece on ‘The case for cheating on your partner'”
Matching raincoats and faux-artistic Instashite just a plea for your partner to leave you
A lot of people reckon cheating is abhorrent and a sign you’ve lost your moral compass, but is the issue as black and white as that? Couldn’t it be classed as market research? You’re just doing a QA check of the goods on offer. In reality, you’re delivering a valuable service. And all for exposure rather than pay.
All jokes aside, there are situations where your partner is undoubtedly rubber-stamping a promiscuity permitted sign to your forehead.
Take this example for starters. Your other half stops dead on the stairs leading to the metro and in doing so blocks the entire entrance to take an Instagram footsie. Reasons range from “it looks cute, babe” to the mere fact you have matching shoes. They’re practically giving your Tinder account the green light. Hell, they may as well be developing repetitive strain on your behalf by swiping right furiously.
The matching clothing issue (fifty-something cagoule twins, I’m looking at you), is another way of asking your partner to have it off with someone else. It’s a big flashing warning sign that the exit ramp to the bungalow-lined cul-de-sac of an over comfortable relationship is approaching. It says you need to change lanes before you’re stuck with Saturday nights wallowing in your own flatulence; forgetting what you went to the shops for and endless, depressing caravan holidays in Skegness.
You’ve been warned.